The Deception of the Emerald Ring
Greetings ladies and gentlemen! If you missed my review for the last book in this series, The Masque of the Black Tulip, I’ll give you a slight refresher. Our hero’s name is Shoulders because you can bet your sweet ass the width of them will be mentioned more than his actual name. Our heroine is Chemise as all our hero seems to think about is getting her out of hers. Also, spies. Now on with the show!
Dramatization:
Shoulders: I must run away with her! I love her and I’ll have her any way I can get her. Why should I question why a young lady with everything to gain doesn’t want the typical massive society wedding? What’s that? Of course she’s not in such a rush because she’s already carrying someone else’s child, she’s a respectable young lady!
Chemise: What’s this coach pulling up to the house in the middle of the night for? What has my harlot of a sister done this time? I bet she’s knocked up and is rushing to elope with some other man to avoid the scandal. I must save our family from shame!
*dashes out into the darkness*
*is accidentally kidnapped by Shoulder’s servants because they think she’s her sister*
Shoulders: Damn this delay! Why does the spymaster need me now of all times? Doesn’t he know I have to meet my beloved at a shady inn before being hurriedly married by an even shadier cleric?
*hurriedly finishes monumentally important spy business while more concerned with impending elopement instead of the safety of the nation*
*dashes off to meet his soon to be bride*
Chemise: Unhand me you brutes! You have the wrong girl!
Shoulders: My beloved, she’s come!
*throws open carriage door*
*makes out with beloved*
*realizes it’s not his beloved*
*still has erection*
…awkward…
Random side characters that know main characters: What’s this! We’ve caught you making out with the sister of the woman you claim to love! Haha, now you have to marry her!
Shoulders: I'm an honorable man. I will do my duty to the girl I’ve just ruined but whom I now believe tricked me into ruining her because the alternative is that this is all one big misunderstanding. Surely that can't be it. But I am an honorable man and so will marry her. Honorably.
Chemise: Oh no! What a mess I’ve made of things.
*they get married*
*he hates her*
*he leaves their wedding feast to go to Ireland and do spy things*
*she gets shitfaced*
Chemise: What a scoundrel! He’s left me alone and everyone will know! The humiliation!
*swigs scotch*
I’ll show him, I’ll show everyone!
*drunkenly dashes off to Ireland*
*wakes up hung over on a boat*
*finds him*
*one monumental misunderstanding follows another until…*
Shoulders: I was so wrong about you Chemise, so wrong. And about your sister too. I thought I loved her. I now know it was only a passing fancy. She’s nothing compared to the glory that is you. Please forgive me for being such a rake.
Chemise: Of course I forgive you Shoulders, I love you. Yes, even though you treated me like shite when you thought I was a conniving little wench and still haven’t properly apologized, I love you.
Shoulders: Oh Chemise
Chemise: Oh Shoulders
*kissing noises*
*he finally gets his hands on that godforsaken garment she’s named after*
*coitus*
*simultaneous perfect orgasms*
*they catch the bad guy the very next day*
Once again, that all sounds pretty damn clichéd. Well, it is. You know what? I don’t give a shit. I loved every single second of it and I will continue to read every book in this series. Call them my guilty pleasure, call me a bloody hypocrite, I don’t care. I just love the quirky inner monologues:
“…she glanced sideways to where his fingers rested just past her shoulder. Not touching her. Not trying to touch her. Just there, with nothing to indicate if it was an intentional arm or an accidental arm.
She was being ridiculous. An arm wasn’t accidental; it was an appendage, and it had to go somewhere.”
I just love the beautiful depictions of scenery:
“The sound of the horses’ hooves changed as the carriage rattled from Capel Street onto the bridge that spanned the Liffey. In the water below, the reflection of the carriage lamps looked like the watchtowers of a drowned city.”
And I just love the duel storylines of the escapades of historical characters and the modern day grad student who’s researching them.
So if you like historical romance done right, try this series.
Dramatization:
Shoulders: I must run away with her! I love her and I’ll have her any way I can get her. Why should I question why a young lady with everything to gain doesn’t want the typical massive society wedding? What’s that? Of course she’s not in such a rush because she’s already carrying someone else’s child, she’s a respectable young lady!
Chemise: What’s this coach pulling up to the house in the middle of the night for? What has my harlot of a sister done this time? I bet she’s knocked up and is rushing to elope with some other man to avoid the scandal. I must save our family from shame!
*dashes out into the darkness*
*is accidentally kidnapped by Shoulder’s servants because they think she’s her sister*
Shoulders: Damn this delay! Why does the spymaster need me now of all times? Doesn’t he know I have to meet my beloved at a shady inn before being hurriedly married by an even shadier cleric?
*hurriedly finishes monumentally important spy business while more concerned with impending elopement instead of the safety of the nation*
*dashes off to meet his soon to be bride*
Chemise: Unhand me you brutes! You have the wrong girl!
Shoulders: My beloved, she’s come!
*throws open carriage door*
*makes out with beloved*
*realizes it’s not his beloved*
*still has erection*
…awkward…
Random side characters that know main characters: What’s this! We’ve caught you making out with the sister of the woman you claim to love! Haha, now you have to marry her!
Shoulders: I'm an honorable man. I will do my duty to the girl I’ve just ruined but whom I now believe tricked me into ruining her because the alternative is that this is all one big misunderstanding. Surely that can't be it. But I am an honorable man and so will marry her. Honorably.
Chemise: Oh no! What a mess I’ve made of things.
*they get married*
*he hates her*
*he leaves their wedding feast to go to Ireland and do spy things*
*she gets shitfaced*
Chemise: What a scoundrel! He’s left me alone and everyone will know! The humiliation!
*swigs scotch*
I’ll show him, I’ll show everyone!
*drunkenly dashes off to Ireland*
*wakes up hung over on a boat*
*finds him*
*one monumental misunderstanding follows another until…*
Shoulders: I was so wrong about you Chemise, so wrong. And about your sister too. I thought I loved her. I now know it was only a passing fancy. She’s nothing compared to the glory that is you. Please forgive me for being such a rake.
Chemise: Of course I forgive you Shoulders, I love you. Yes, even though you treated me like shite when you thought I was a conniving little wench and still haven’t properly apologized, I love you.
Shoulders: Oh Chemise
Chemise: Oh Shoulders
*kissing noises*
*he finally gets his hands on that godforsaken garment she’s named after*
*coitus*
*simultaneous perfect orgasms*
*they catch the bad guy the very next day*
Once again, that all sounds pretty damn clichéd. Well, it is. You know what? I don’t give a shit. I loved every single second of it and I will continue to read every book in this series. Call them my guilty pleasure, call me a bloody hypocrite, I don’t care. I just love the quirky inner monologues:
“…she glanced sideways to where his fingers rested just past her shoulder. Not touching her. Not trying to touch her. Just there, with nothing to indicate if it was an intentional arm or an accidental arm.
She was being ridiculous. An arm wasn’t accidental; it was an appendage, and it had to go somewhere.”
I just love the beautiful depictions of scenery:
“The sound of the horses’ hooves changed as the carriage rattled from Capel Street onto the bridge that spanned the Liffey. In the water below, the reflection of the carriage lamps looked like the watchtowers of a drowned city.”
And I just love the duel storylines of the escapades of historical characters and the modern day grad student who’s researching them.
So if you like historical romance done right, try this series.
