Demonic Dora

Demonic Dora - Claire Chilton
I was convinced within the first paragraph that I would like this book. Why? Because of the heroine, Dora. No, not this dora:

She’s more like this:

The first chapter opens with her propping her Doc Marten boots up on the pew in front of her while she picks at her fingernails. With a combat knife. IN CHURCH. 

You see, her father is a minister with a televised service and her mother produces his show. Dora is your typical bored, ignored and angsty teenager and with parents as religious as hers, her form of rebellion is dabbling in witchcraft. Her latest attempt is to summon a demon lord so she can redecorate her room because her ‘rents’ keep it eternally pink. 

She thinks she fails. What she did succeed in doing was opening a portal to hell. Minions pour forth from it and into her parent’s church where the parishioners proceed to both snot and shit themselves and while this scene was hilarious, I couldn’t help but wonder how exactly demons had entered holy ground. I decided to overlook this lapse with the hopes that it would be explained. It wasn’t.

The “diabolical” creature Dora summons is actually a man-boy demon that accidentally got sucked through the portal she created to land on his ass in her closet, staring up one of her dresses like some sort of Tom. He assumes she’s a proper witch and attempts to discover how evil she is by looking through the “mysterious witch items” in her closet and this was another example of just how funny this book can be:

“Kieron tilted his head, trying to read the labels before reaching up to pull down the top box on the pile. It was red and white, the colors of blood and life. It must be one of her darkest secrets. It was labeled with one thick black word. Kieron tried to pronounce the word in his mind. Mono-Poly.”

The man-boy proceeds to mistake Dora for a Disney princess in need of rescuing when her parents accuse HER of being the demon. Then he thinks he’s been summoned to seduce her and gets kneed in the balls. He’s totally lost in her world and the constant miscommunications between the two of them in the beginning are pretty entertaining. 

Because her parents are psychotically religious they decide to exorcise the demon they’re convinced is possessing their daughter and when that doesn’t work they resort to the next logical step. Burning her at the stake…

What? Really? 

Yes, really. And just in case you’re wondering, no, this isn’t Salem in the 1600s, this is the modern day. Yet somehow her father, the mayor, the police chief and half the town have the mentality required to form a lynching mob and drag her out to watch her burn. 

I was pretty confused by this and then… “LMFAO I don’t care, she’s saved by BIRD SHIT.” 

This happened a lot in the beginning of the book. Every time I found myself getting irritated or questioning the logic of certain scenes, something hilarious would happen and I’d forget about it for a little while. But the annoyances began to pile up and this book started going downhill for me about halfway through. 

I will say this. I really liked Chilton’s world building when Kieron and Dora got to hell. It’s a place where people hitchhike with demonic big rigs, toddler demons have keggers and pieces of souls are used as currency. Oh, and I’m pretty sure that the fluffy little demon that Dora adopts as a pet vaguely resembles this little guy:

That said, as much as I really like parts of this novel, as a whole it just wasn’t up to par. I read other reviews and people mostly complained about the amount of swearing and the poop related scenes. Neither bothered me. I’m pretty foul mouthed. I’m also immature enough to LMFAO when someone transforms themself into a monkey to throw feces at the main character and she casts a spell to instead make them facepalm it. 

Unfortunately, humorous scenes like that can only do so much to distract me away from the fact that there wasn’t much of a plot line. It mostly just felt like I was following Dora and Kieron around with minimal rhyme or reason. Another thing that irked me were the numerous inconsistencies. Kieron’s not knowing what Monopoly is, yet somehow knowing about the Percy Jackson novels is one of many. 

There are also some editing issues that need to be worked out, such as the overabundance of punctuation and the constant use of names when a simple he or she would do. Kieron did this, Kieron thought that, Kieron, Kieron, Kieron. It got distracting. 

Lastly the ending was both predictable and pretty cheesetastic. I wanted this book to be good. I really did. I loved the beginning. I think it could be better with some more work.