Litchick's Hit List

I had to do some math to figure out how to rate this book. Never a good sign. In the end it was lucky to get 2.5 stars from me. It started out pretty strong but about 100 pgs in things started to go downhill. Here's why: Tayla, the "heroine". 

I basically hated her for three quarters of the book. She's a hot-neurotic-mess. And not in a good way. According to C. George Boeree neurosis involves:

"…anxiety, sadness or depression, anger, irritability, mental confusion, low sense of self-worth, etc., behavioral symptoms such as phobic avoidance, vigilance, impulsive and compulsive acts, lethargy, etc., cognitive problems such as unpleasant or disturbing thoughts, repetition of thoughts and obsession, habitual fantasizing, negativity and cynicism, etc. Interpersonally, neurosis involves dependency, aggressiveness, perfectionism, schizoid isolation, socio-culturally inappropriate behaviors, etc."

I could go through each of these symptoms and point out a direct example of Tayla exhibiting each one but I won't because this review would turn into a novella. Instead I'll comment on a few of the more glaring issues I had with her.

1- In a confrontation, she's the escalator. Always. If someone pisses her off, she hits them. If they pull a knife, she pulls a bazooka. 

2- When given the option of accepting a hard truth or cowering in the false security of a convenient lie, she chooses the lie. Every time.

3- She has Can't-Make-Up-Her-Fucking-Mind Syndrome. There are so many examples of this I can't pick just one.

4- She's TSTL. Her poor choices put not only herself but others in mortal peril on numerous occasions. If she'd been alone in these instances, she'd have gotten her face chewed off, which she'd likely never admit.

Here's the part where you say "Okay, Litchick, if you hated her so much why did you keep reading?" I'll tell you why. First, I really liked not only the hero, Eidolon, but the rest of the support characters, even though the usage of verbs-as-names confused me a little. Secondly, just when I was reaching the breaking point with Tayla the perspective would shift and I'd get sucked back in. Ione, you tricky devil. You did this on purpose, didn't you? Thirdly, during the last 60 pgs Tayla pulls her head out of her ass. And lastly, I only had to wait 20 pages for the schmexy times to begin. 

Speaking of which…

Dear All Authors Who Write Sex Scenes,

Here are a few phrases I'd like you to never use again:

1- "Slippery Juices" 
The sex scene in my head immediately disappeared and was replaced by an unsuspecting Looney Toon character strolling along down a hallway whistling Dixie before accidentally stepping in "slippery juices" and falling on their ass complete with windmilling arms and flailing legs. 

2- "Clenching Womb"
This phrase brings back memories (which I've tried to suppress) of health class junior year, in which myself and twenty other (now emotionally scarred) teenage girls were forced to watch a thirty minute video of the "money shot" of a birth. 

Yours Truly,
Litchick