Litchick's Hit List

Q: WHAT THE EVER-LOVING FUCK IS THIS SHIT?!
A: Someone’s rape fantasy.

Goddamn it. Look, I’ll admit, I went into this book expecting to loathe it. I hate-read every time I hit a book slump because it’s the only way for me to get out of one. But I in no way expected to be this enraged.

Let’s start with the plot, shall we? The MC’s brother rips off a biker gang and she’s forced to become one of their sex slaves in order to save his life. Yup, that’s the fucking plot. Oh, but it’s not rape. She has a choice, you see. She can choose not to become a sex-slave…but then they kill her brother. You heard it here first! Forced sex through coercion isn’t rape! Tell all your friends!

“You want to keep dumbass alive, pack a bag and climb on my bike when we leave. You do what I tell you, when I tell you, no questions and no bitching.”
“Why?” I asked blankly.
“Why the hell do you think?” he said, voice strained. “So I can fuck you.”

BUT IT’S NOT RAPE.

“This pussy is mine. You are mine. I’ll fuck you when and where I want, and you can either take it or get the fuck out. Are we clear?”

BUT IT’S NOT RAPE.

“You do this, it’s your choice. I’m not raping you. You’re making a decision to pay for your brother’s mistake on your back. You get me?”

SEE? IT’S NOT RAPE!


This epic piece of shiterature contains possibly the single worst female lead that I’ve ever had the misfortune to read about, Marie. This chick is a horrifying amalgamation of every complaint I’ve ever had about every female lead I’ve ever hated all rolled into one INSANELY FUCKING STUPID package.

I can honestly say that reading about this chick was like sitting in a room full of misogynistic men and listening to them tell me all the reasons that they hate women. She is the most stereotypically offensive female ever.

AND NO, I’M NOT FUCKING EXAGGERATING.

The book opens with her leaving her husband because he hit her. She then goes on to slut shame the woman that he’s currently sleeping with.

“I liked to think of Misty as THE WHORE, which I wrote in all caps for all emphasis whenever I texted someone.”

Let’s just ignore the “all emphasis” portion of that sentence. This book is horribly written and edited, end of story. Instead, let’s focus on the definition of the word whore: “a woman who engages in sexual acts for money.” Does this woman exchange sex for money? No. So definitively, she isn’t a whore. She’s a “whore” in Marie’s mind because she’s sleeping with her ex.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS THOUGHT PROCESS? Instead of feeling sympathy for this woman, instead of wanting to warn her away from what will likely be an abusive relationship, you slut-shame her?! HE FUCKING HIT YOU! WHY ARE YOU ANGRY THAT HE’S WITH SOMEONE ELSE AT ALL?! SHOULDN’T YOU BE ELATED THAT YOU ESCAPED?!

Way to be completely fucking brainwashed by society, way to UNINTENTIONALLY be the perfect fucking victim, way to continue this god-awful trend of women hating other women for no fucking logical reason, way to be a fucking bestseller and continue to perpetuate these stupid fucking trends to the masses.

It gets worse, by the way. Marie walks into her house to find her brother nearly beaten to death and a bunch of leather-bound men standing over him, one of which holds a gun to the back of his head. Any decent human being’s reaction to this:


Marie’s reaction to this:

"My brother knelt in the middle of our crappy living room, bleeding and awaiting execution, and all I could think about was me and Horse. What the hell was wrong with me?"

Everything. I hate you. I hope that the bike you’re about to ride on crashes and you’re caught beneath it and slowly burn to death, you horrible excuse for a character. I’m sure you’re thinking that goes too far, that it’s a little too much. NO. IT’S NOT NEARLY ENOUGH. I HAVE ALL THE RAGE THAT HAS EVER RAGED.

Before I burst a blood vessel, why don’t we move on to Horse, the male lead? Yup, his name is Horse. Because he’s hung like one. Mmm, sexy, huh? Um…no. A horse’s penis can be anywhere from 2.5 – 3.5 feet long. The average woman’s vagina is 3-4 inches deep but can expand to 200% when fully aroused. Let’s say Marie has an above average vagina and is packing 6 inches of un-aroused heat. Fully expanded that’s still only 12 inches, a full foot and a half short, AT LEAST. I’m sorry ahead of time but all I can picture is this:

Horse is one of the men that just beat the shit out of her brother. Does he seem remorseful? No. All he seems to be concerned with is Marie and her vagtastic va-jay-jay. He couldn’t give a fuck about killing a man. Mmm, sexy, huh?

*pukes*

JFC, what is it with all these tattooed ragebeasts? Why are they a fucking thing? Are we that unevolved? If you’re a troll, don’t even bother answering that, it was rhetorical. This book’s popularity is all the answer I need.

So back to the matter at hand. Marie’s in a bit of a bind. What does she do about it?
A) Call the cops
B) Make an excuse to leave the room and call the cops
C) Agree to their demands only until she has a chance to call the cops
D) Happily agree to be Horse’s sex slave and never once thinks about calling the cops

If you answered D, congratulations, you’re correct! I don’t have a prize to give out but saving you from reading this failmance seems pretty good to me, so you’re welcome for that.

Marie’s agreement leads us to the final thing I’d like to talk about; Marie and Horse’s abusive abusive relationshit. Let me set the scene for you concerning their fist sexual encounter. Marie wakes up in bed, having no recollection of how she got there. Someone has stripped her down to her panties and tank top. Behind her, a boner. For whatever reason, this isn’t an issue for her and she starts to fool around with – God, I can’t even believe I’m typing this – Horse. Then this happens:

“I shivered, lust and desire bursting through me, trying to see if I could lift my hips and move with him. In the process I accidentally pushed against his chest, which he apparently interpreted as me trying to push him away.
Horse pulled away from my mouth and growled, eyes dark with desire and a need so strong I froze. He looked like an animal in heat, a point his hard prick seemed to be determined to impress in its own way.
“I’m in charge here, don’t forget it,” he stated.”

That’s right. He thinks she’s trying to push him away and he doesn’t respect that. Instead, he gets forceful with her. Marie, being the fucking idiot that she is, is fine with this. He then goes on to shove a finger up her ass without warning and then when his buddies walk into the house and she refuses to have sex with him because she doesn’t want them to hear her, he punches a hole in her wall, slams her door so hard that he cracks the wood, and walks out on her.

She goes on to obsess about him.

So I’m sorry, I know a lot of people were enjoying my updates but I just can’t with this fucking book. Blurring the lines when it comes to sexual assault is not something that I enjoy. Reading about sorry excuses for women is not something I enjoy. Reading about an emotionally abusive relationship is not something I enjoy.